Scoops Phase Shirt

Anthony Prochaska, writer of The Scoops Phase and frequent Magic the Gathering player is here to promote a wonderful new product!

The Scoops Phase T-Shirt!

Hear the classic words of Scoops Prochapstick, “Untap...upkeep...Scoops?”

ORDER NOW, OR KEEP READING!

What if a T-Shirt could

clean your house for you?

Or do your laundry for you?

Protect you from intruders?

Solve world hunger?

Well, this shirt can’t do that.

What it CAN do, is clothe you, and many more things!

What is a shirt’s main purpose? A few things come to mind:

• Shirts keep you warm
• Shirts provide protection from the elements
• Shirts make you look cool, assuming the design is cool

Like most people, you need to wear a shirt to go out in public without be ridiculed.

Some people have the advantage of sick abs to curb the need for a shirt,

but even they can’t be served at most restaurants!

NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE!

Not only will The Scoops Phase shirt provide you with warmth and from the ridicule of complete strangers, but it will also make you feel pretty good about yourself when people comment on it. Here are a few examples of things you might hear when wearing this shirt:

“Nice shirt, guy”

“What’s ‘The Scoops Phase’?”

“That shirt is moderate, at best. Probably not even moderate.”

AMAZING COMMENTS.

You might be asking yourself, “Why do I want this shirt? I have plenty of shirts.” Here are some facts about the Scoops Phase shirt:

1. This shirt will attract the exact type of person you are interested in, or your money back!
2. It is made of 100% pre-shrunk cotton, making it machine washable and easy to clean!
3. It has a crew neckline, which some people favor.

With facts like that, why WOULDN’T you want a Scoops Phase shirt?

Here are some testimonials from previous purchasers:

“I bought the Scoops Phase shirt, but then I got in a car accident. Sadly, I never got to wear the shirt, as it was damaged in the wreckage, but I assume it was comfortable.”

- Jeremy Bower, Teacher

“The Scoops Phase shirt is so cool! I might even buy another one just so I can wear it when I’m washing my first one.”

- Matt Spina, PetCo Employee

“This shirt changed my life. Now I don’t get ridiculed for being shirtless in public, and people are always curious about what my shirt is referring to!”

- Anthony Prochaska, The Scoops Phase

Here are some other non-traditional uses for the Scoops Phase shirt!

• Use it as a towel to dry your dishes!
• Use it to kill a spider, and then you can even wipe up the nasty dead spider with it!
• Wear it as a mask at your next Halloween party!
• Out of toilet paper? Don’t use the shirt for that, we will find out.

ORDER NOW, AND GET HALF THE DEAL FOR TWICE THE PRICE!

Regular MSRP: $19.19

Special Savings: We send you half of a shirt,

for twice the price of a whole shirt!

Did you read that whole offer and think about it for a minute? NOW IT’S EXPIRED!

!!!!!NEW OFFER!!!!

FOR A LIMITED TIME

(OR IN LAWYER SPEAK, 1 WEEK)

GET THE SCOOPS PHASE SHIRT

FOR ONLY

$19.19 + APPLICABLE SHIPPING AND SALES TAX

You may have noticed earlier I mentioned that the Scoops Phase shirt will help you with finding the perfect match for you dating needs. How does the Scoops Phase shirt do this? I’ll explain!

So you see, the Scoops Phase shirts are crafted in the eye of a storm above a volcano, and the volcano is located on the equator.

While I can’t explain the exact science of how it works, something with the magnetic force of the equator plus the heat from the volcano produces an attraction that no one can resist.

Literally.

People will be physically pulled towards you.

Thankfully, the eye of the storm helps direct the unwanted people away, while pulling the people you want towards you.

Is any of this true? Of course!(not) But that doesn’t mean the shirt is still amazing and stylish!

“How does this shirt hold up against other shirts? Let’s hear some more testimonials about the quality of the shirt:

“100% cotton? More like 100% amazing. I’ve had my Scoops Phase shirt for over 30 years and it hasn’t even slightly degraded. It might actually be cursed.”

-Trevor Scott, Professional

“Dat crew neck, tho.”

-Jon Ninow, Jimmy Jons Delivery Guy

“Every other shirt I own looks like crap compared to the Scoops Phase shirt. Seriously, why do other shirts even exist?”

- Don Quixote, Don Quixote

Now I’ve bored you with facts and testimonials throughout this entire page, but the fact of the matter is that this shirt is just great. Good quality materials, a reasonable price, and a fun typeface was chosen for the text on the shirt. Is it going to actually make your life better? Well, probably not, but who knows! The reality of this product is that it was designed to make the fans of the Scoops Phase website happy, and I’m happy to have made it.

In addition to the Scoops Phase Shirt, there are also two other shirts you can purchase from our CafePres page online! Here are some examples of the shirts available:

“Wrong Magic Shirt”

Drafts and Drafts

The “Wrong Magic” shirt is for the filthy casuals who think I’m talking about performing illusions when I say I’m playing Magic. Seriously, there have been dozens of people who think I’m some kind of magician. I’m not. I can do exactly 1 magic trick, and it’s not even very good.

The Drafts and Drafts shirt is also available, and is related to the show that myself and Anthony Harrison put on bi-monthly where we do a cube draft or a draft online.

BUY THIS SHIRT. BUY IT. DO IT. DO IT.

HERE’S A LINK AGAIN: ORDER NOW

If you have any questions or concerns about the ordering process, please feel free to comment or email us!

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